What do I want to do?

You don’t find yourself until you lose yourself. 

I am spending my summer vacation in Sheffield with my hubby with nothing  much to do. I have a good part time job which I like in Manchester for the weekend and most week days I stay at home, doing either housework or shopping. My problem lately is I often wait and often ask myself: What do I want to do? without trying to do anything. Today, after reading a very emotional blog post from one of my favourite blogger [Le Quynh Mai - you can find her at lequynhmai.com], I realised that you don't need to have hobbies that sound fancy to be successful, and maybe happy. I often think how mediocre my life and my ability are. I always wanted to do something big, something exciting and dreaming of changing the world. Then I gave up with the thought that I'm not good enough for that. The thing I learnt is, maybe I just need to focus on myself a bit more, try to be happy with myself a bit more, only until then I will know more about my ability, my passion and my dream. So I sit down and think about the joy I had when doing things, I can say that I love travelling, photography, I love writing, I love organising and tidying my flat, I love gardening, I love doing laundry, cooking and sewing. I would love to learn new languages and instruments. So why wasting my time? First, I need to do those things for a better me. I need to do them for myself. I will take it step by step and see how it goes.

The second lesson I learnt is that I will be happier if I am more generous, more helpful and more selfless. This also needs much more mental practices and will be achieved more easily by doing what I like. I believe only when you're in peace with yourself, you're in peace with others. It will be a long journey, and I am preparing for it.